The beauty of difference between us

difference

We all know that everyone is different and unique. Every one of us has different qualifications, different stories.

How, in a world full of contradictions, different opinions and views, can we reach agreements? In our hearts, we are all very much alike. We want to love, be loved, be happy and healthy. We often forget about this and see only what divides us and the differences between us.

What we can do about this relies only on us. It’s based on valuing differences all mental, physical and psychological. Having this attitude is the foundation of good cooperation and understanding others.

How many times do we meet people who only believe that they are right, that don’t even think there is a probability that someone with a different opinion could also be right.

A person open to differences realizes that everyone can have a different opinion. He/she appreciates and understands these differences.

Often, differences arise from a different interpretation of facts. Understanding that even if we have different opinions we can still both be right, is crucial in this situation- help me see it from your perspective, how do you see it?

Thanks to this we can avoid unnecessary conflict.  By appreciating the differences, we create a great opportunity for cooperation- synergy. This is true both at work and at home.

Working in groups or in pairs, problem solving and having different opinions on a given subject makes us more creative, more engaged and committed to what we create.

We have to remember that we are all “connected”. Our attitude, mood and energy affect everyone in our environment. We can always find something good in others that we can use to expand our view of the world. Changing our attitude will encourage others to be more open to us and to appreciate the differences between us.

Whenever you’re talking to someone with a different opinion you can say- ok that’s your opinion, you see it differently. Through this you are telling him that you value his opinion that he might be right.

Even if you are convinced that only your solution is correct, you can find a third solution, where you’ll both be happy.

Now consider this: do you have anyone that you are close to, that irritate you? If so, think about whether you’re focused on the appreciation of the differences between you or if you could come to an agreement with these people?

Next time you are discussing something, try to understand what might be behind the attitude of that person.

In conclusion, I would like to mention that longest experiment in history, which lasted 75 years. It was initiated by Harvard university and psychiatrist Robert Waldinger.  It was to explain what makes humans happy and healthy. Two groups were studied. One consisted of very educated and the other of people from the lowest social group. The results were very clear.  What makes us happy and healthy is not fame and money but social connections to family, friends, community and good relationships with our loved ones.

So let us value our relationships because true happiness comes from having someone to share it with.

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Our beliefs and achieving our goals

beliefs

Today, I won’t be telling you how to achieve your goals because before you do that you have to take a look at what is preventing you from achieving them.

Have you ever asked yourself-  what is stopping you from achieving the things you want?

First of all, these are just limiting beliefs we bring onto ourselves and about the world. This is not what I am going to be talking about today. Today I want to tell you about your beliefs, they don’t give you strength or take it away.

Before starting on your goals, how many time shave you thought the following things:

–        This won’t work anyway I don’t have enough strength

–        I’m not smart enough

–        I never have enough time

–        I’m not attractive enough

–        You can’t trust people

These are just some of the things you may be thinking, that are effectively preventing you from trying to achieve the life you want and deserve.

Who would you be without these beliefs? What could you achieve knowing these statements are not true or are no longer true?

As children, we absorb everything anyone tells us and this is where our beliefs come from. We acquire them at a very young age. We take in the opinions of our parents, teachers and friends. We start believing what they say, things that make us stronger but can also bring us down. We keep them with us our whole lives up to the point where we prove to ourselves if they are true or not. Does your teachers opinion that you’re bad at maths mean that you won’t succeed in life? Of course, not, but you believed your teacher and carry her opinion with you even now. You don’t have to be a maths genius to achieve what you want. You definitely won’t achieve a Nobel prize in maths but why not in other fields?

When I was sixteen years old , I baked a cake but unfortunately it was undercooked. This had never happened to my mom so I received the following comment:

“if you couldn’t bake such an easy cake, you are bad at baking.” I lived with this idea for fifteen years, and in fact it made my life easier. My mom would bake cakes for every family event. After my move to Ireland, I was forced to actually bake something for myself after so many years. Suddenly it was clear that I could bake and I was quite good at it. So, it’s good to verify our beliefs about ourselves to see if they are still true. You don’t have to wait for the moment when your situation will force you to do this, you can do so at any time.

If you notice that a thought weakens you, makes your decisions harder and doesn’t allow you to step out of your comfort zone, try to find as many examples to show that it isn’t true.

It is important to question your own beliefs, not only about yourself, but everything that surrounds you and change them for current ones. At the same time, they will strengthen us.

Beliefs shape our attitude to life. our ability and attitude affects the outcome of our work and our achievements.

If you think you will succeed or fail, you are always right.

I would like to ask you, to decide what you want and ask yourself – what is stopping you from achieving it.

Write down your beliefs which are taken straight from you. ask yourself – are they still true?

Change them for the ones, which strengthen you in making decisions and living towards achieving your goals.

I know that it is not easy, you have to be patient and determined.

With your new beliefs – take action and you will see and feel that they are real

Everything takes time, so you have to be consistent in your decisions.

I wish you success in overcoming your own limitations, always remember you are WORTH it.

Courage and vulnerability

on-the-top

While looking through my notes, thinking about what I wanted to tell you about today, I came upon a sentence “my vulnerability is one of my strong suits”. You might not believe me, but it’s true. Before I came to this realisation, it was something I was ashamed of.  I spent most of my time trying to hide it, supress it and not show it to others or myself. Controlling this made me feel like I was losing my authenticity, my right to happiness, expressing my feelings and loving and accepting myself for who I am. I accepted the words of the people closest to me- you should be happy, others would be, other people have it worse, can’t you be like everyone else, other people can live like this why can’t you, why do you always want more, this is what life is like and other people, and other people…

Have you ever had these or similar words spoken to you?

In emigration, I meet a lot of vulnerable people, mostly women. They hide their sensitivity behind a mask of the perfect wife, mother, fiancée, who are often involved with men that they don’t love or are in toxic relationships and are taking away their right to be happy.

In this post, I want to inspire you to have the courage to accept yourself, the courage to show your authentic self, to stop constantly being in control and making predictions.

What will you gain from this? You can feel like a child again, look at the world and yourself in a way only a child could. Without prejudice or labels. You can feel free and began your life filled with courage, one your true self dreams of but is trying to forget about.

I am enough! Yes, I am truly enough, I am worthy of love, acceptance, I am authentic. We all have the right to this.

I remember what Brene Brown, a professor at the University of Houston, said. After her appearance on TED six years ago, she became a well-known expert on vulnerability and courage. After multiple years of research on human vulnerability she said, we can pick either comfort or courage. Brene Brown claimed that with courage it wasn’t about winning or losing, it was about showing yourself as you are without knowing if you are going to succeed.

On a good note: you can learn to be courageous. Courage is making decisions every day and deciding on things consistent with our values. The first step is to ask yourself this question: what is stopping me from having courage? When you know the answer to this question you can make your decision: from this day on, I will choose courage over comfort. And of course, practicing this decision every day.

I remember as a child reciting poems at school events. I was always the first one to want to do this. I loved doing it so much, that even the pre-show fear didn’t stop me. Why didn’t I give into the fear? Because it would also bring me happiness at the same time, when I could represent a poem and put my whole heart into it. During these few minutes, I was outside my comfort zone. Even now, whenever I feel fear, it’s a sign I’m going in the right direction.

The most beautiful things in life are found outside our comfort zone, past our fear. If you don’t step out of your comfort zone, you’re going to stay in the same place or someone else with decide what your life should look like.

Have you decided to take the first step? Sometimes you will fail, but if you don’t do anything, you will neither succeed or fail.

Take your life into your hands- in the end, it is your life.

You’re not here to please others. Don’t live your mother’s life or your fathers. Live your own life.

In conclusion, I wish you courage with all my heart.

If you have any questions, I will gladly answer them.

email. info@inspiringcoaching.ie

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